I'm writing a blog post now because things are on my mind, and there are a multitude of them.
On Monday of last week (4th August) I met up with a friend from my schooldays, and we enjoyed watching the film Guardians of the Galaxy together - my shout as a late birthday present for him, and he paid for refreshments at Snacks - a cafe near to the cinema.
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| My friend Russell and myself |
It also gave us a chance to find out about each other, and we found out a fair bit. I will leave that there because it is private.
Whilst with my friend I received a text from Louise saying that out goldfish (Titus) wasn't looking great. After a little more time with my friend I went home.
Now a few days earlier Louise spotted that Titus wasn't looking his usual self - his scales were protruding, and he looked sluggish in the tank. This was on the Wednesday because on the Thursday Louise bought something from Wilkinsons, which was a treatment where a very small, say five or so millilitre measure, was placed into the tank.
Louise mentioned while I was on the last shift (the Thursday night) before my holidays that he mum had looked it up and found that he was suffering from something called "dropsy", which is a kidney disorder. The suggested treatment was a special kind of salt so I stupidly enough said that I would get home the next morning, sleep for an hour, and then get up, get ready, and go to the pet store to buy some and treat him.
I did buy the salt, took it home, and then couldn't understand the instructions - "place 0.3% for this, 0.6% for that, and 0.9% for dropsy, etc. Okay, what the heck does nine percent mean? Nine percent of what for crying out loud??? My tired mind couldn't work it out, so I looked on a forum online, where I found measurements. Thank you internet. I put that amount into the tank and let it do it's thing.
Further instructions - "add 0.3% each day blah blah". Oh, so that means add a third of what I put in the first day to make the second day's amount that much larger, and so on each day? Okay.
I did that for the whole weekend, but both myself and Louise remained worried. Titus was fourteen years old after all, and you get very attached to a pet that lives for a while! I know to some that that seems silly - "he's a goldfish!" However, it isn't because there were some strange things about him. He would sort of respond if we talked to him. He once looked at me and then at the food next to his fish tank. "I think he wants some food," I said. "Okay," said Louise, "give him a little bit." I did, and he went straight for it. My imagination perhaps?
Anyway, he seemed to be getting better to me, but on Monday he had indeed taken a turn for the worst. He wasn't looking great, and I felt terrible. I was sure that he would be okay. He was a fighter, and had survived for this long!
During the evening though we could see that he wasn't doing well, and I kept trying to talk to him, to spur him on, but it was to no avail.
At sometime between 10pm and 10.45pm, he had made his way into the front right hand side corner of the tank, face looking to the side of the tank and the back of his dorsal fin at the front of the tank, at an angle, and I saw a last slight shimmy. He passed away, and we were both distraught. Yes, some people won't understand that, but some will. Louise cried, and I just felt terrible, questioning what I had done and what I could have done.
I hardly got any sleep that night, or for the following few nights until Friday or Saturday night. During the Monday nighttime, I was lying awake in bed and suddenly realised that I had indeed given him the wrong dosage - too little by a big margin in fact! The amount on the forum had been wrong. However, the pet shop actually wouldn't have had enough anyway, as the first dose alone would have been around two-thirds of a packet. They didn't have enough boxes to go beyond the first two days. That still didn't help because I was thinking about "if I had the right amount, then would it have saved him?" That was my thought for a while, and will continue to be for a long time to come yet.
We took Titus out of the fishtank the next day, placed him into a couple of handkerchiefs, in which he was then placed into a little plastic box. There was more, but I won't go into that for fear of people taking the mickey. We took that to Louise's parents, where they would bury him near to their pet rabbit Horace who died around a year ago.
Anyway, I actually started writing this, wow, it must be about a week ago now, and I would have left it there.
Since I'm finishing it now though, I will say that I did more during my seven days of holiday time.
On that first day (the Friday when I bought the salt to treat Titus), I think that is when I bought my first travel guitar that I named Sissy (after Sissy Spacek, who played Carrie in the film, you carry the guitar, so carry and Carrie - Sissy y'see - it makes sense to me). I was initially going to buy a car that day, but earlier in the week I was given a quote for the car insurance which made me change my mind in a big way - very expensive after two years without a car!
So, I bought Sissy and love her to bits. The following Wednesday I sort of enjoyed the second of the two days hire I had on a nice diesel Ford Focus car by going to Mansfield to visit my mum (once Louise had finished work of course). I met my friend Steve from Unit Five studios in Mansfield, who I was initially intending on buying two AKG microphones from (a matching pair), but one of them blew the diaphragm, so I just got one, but then he showed me something he could put aside for me to buy off him at a later date - an MXL V69 microphone. It looked gorgeous, and I had heard great things about it. I bought it there and then! When I tried it the Saturday after, it was gorgeous - I think I have an earthing problem though because there's a really loud humming in the background, and I have to have the mic volume on my recorder at full volume for some reason or it doesn't get a signal... I've always had trouble with that 12-track recorder!
On the Thursday I visited my dad and his wife. That was great. I miss having a car, because if I did then I could just visit people whenever I have time. As it is, I have to know in advance when I am off so that I can hire a car to go anywhere. Very frustrating.
When I was back at work on the Friday, the subject of Titus came up. The person working with me told me that all that the salt treatment does is to change the consistency of the water to make it easier for the fish to swim, in the hope that the ailment corrects itself, but the odds of that are apparently incredibly slim! I will never stop wondering though that if I had got the dosage correct and had got hold of enough of the right amount of treatment, would he have survived and been one of those? I will never know, but it will always be there.
Yes, I miss him.. We both do. We always will. Pets give us comfort, peace, and so much, no matter the size. Some people are pet people, and some aren't. We are.
Thank you for reading, please take care
August 14th 2014 (43 years, eight months, and 19 days old).
Whilst with my friend I received a text from Louise saying that out goldfish (Titus) wasn't looking great. After a little more time with my friend I went home.
Now a few days earlier Louise spotted that Titus wasn't looking his usual self - his scales were protruding, and he looked sluggish in the tank. This was on the Wednesday because on the Thursday Louise bought something from Wilkinsons, which was a treatment where a very small, say five or so millilitre measure, was placed into the tank.
Louise mentioned while I was on the last shift (the Thursday night) before my holidays that he mum had looked it up and found that he was suffering from something called "dropsy", which is a kidney disorder. The suggested treatment was a special kind of salt so I stupidly enough said that I would get home the next morning, sleep for an hour, and then get up, get ready, and go to the pet store to buy some and treat him.
I did buy the salt, took it home, and then couldn't understand the instructions - "place 0.3% for this, 0.6% for that, and 0.9% for dropsy, etc. Okay, what the heck does nine percent mean? Nine percent of what for crying out loud??? My tired mind couldn't work it out, so I looked on a forum online, where I found measurements. Thank you internet. I put that amount into the tank and let it do it's thing.
Further instructions - "add 0.3% each day blah blah". Oh, so that means add a third of what I put in the first day to make the second day's amount that much larger, and so on each day? Okay.
I did that for the whole weekend, but both myself and Louise remained worried. Titus was fourteen years old after all, and you get very attached to a pet that lives for a while! I know to some that that seems silly - "he's a goldfish!" However, it isn't because there were some strange things about him. He would sort of respond if we talked to him. He once looked at me and then at the food next to his fish tank. "I think he wants some food," I said. "Okay," said Louise, "give him a little bit." I did, and he went straight for it. My imagination perhaps?
 |
| Titus - actually taken a little before we realised that he was unwell :-( |
During the evening though we could see that he wasn't doing well, and I kept trying to talk to him, to spur him on, but it was to no avail.
At sometime between 10pm and 10.45pm, he had made his way into the front right hand side corner of the tank, face looking to the side of the tank and the back of his dorsal fin at the front of the tank, at an angle, and I saw a last slight shimmy. He passed away, and we were both distraught. Yes, some people won't understand that, but some will. Louise cried, and I just felt terrible, questioning what I had done and what I could have done.
I hardly got any sleep that night, or for the following few nights until Friday or Saturday night. During the Monday nighttime, I was lying awake in bed and suddenly realised that I had indeed given him the wrong dosage - too little by a big margin in fact! The amount on the forum had been wrong. However, the pet shop actually wouldn't have had enough anyway, as the first dose alone would have been around two-thirds of a packet. They didn't have enough boxes to go beyond the first two days. That still didn't help because I was thinking about "if I had the right amount, then would it have saved him?" That was my thought for a while, and will continue to be for a long time to come yet.
We took Titus out of the fishtank the next day, placed him into a couple of handkerchiefs, in which he was then placed into a little plastic box. There was more, but I won't go into that for fear of people taking the mickey. We took that to Louise's parents, where they would bury him near to their pet rabbit Horace who died around a year ago.
Anyway, I actually started writing this, wow, it must be about a week ago now, and I would have left it there.
Since I'm finishing it now though, I will say that I did more during my seven days of holiday time.
 |
| Sissy the travel guitar |
So, I bought Sissy and love her to bits. The following Wednesday I sort of enjoyed the second of the two days hire I had on a nice diesel Ford Focus car by going to Mansfield to visit my mum (once Louise had finished work of course). I met my friend Steve from Unit Five studios in Mansfield, who I was initially intending on buying two AKG microphones from (a matching pair), but one of them blew the diaphragm, so I just got one, but then he showed me something he could put aside for me to buy off him at a later date - an MXL V69 microphone. It looked gorgeous, and I had heard great things about it. I bought it there and then! When I tried it the Saturday after, it was gorgeous - I think I have an earthing problem though because there's a really loud humming in the background, and I have to have the mic volume on my recorder at full volume for some reason or it doesn't get a signal... I've always had trouble with that 12-track recorder!
 |
| Sissy makes friends easily |
On the Thursday I visited my dad and his wife. That was great. I miss having a car, because if I did then I could just visit people whenever I have time. As it is, I have to know in advance when I am off so that I can hire a car to go anywhere. Very frustrating.
 |
| The MXL V69 microphone in front of my 12-track recorder. |
Yes, I miss him.. We both do. We always will. Pets give us comfort, peace, and so much, no matter the size. Some people are pet people, and some aren't. We are.
Thank you for reading, please take care
August 14th 2014 (43 years, eight months, and 19 days old).
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