Musical admission

How is everybody?  Eaten too much?  Drunk too much?  Enjoying the Christmas Spirit, whatever spirit that may be?

Don't worry, this is a very quick blog post that I just felt as though I had to write to just bring it straight out into the open.  I don't know if I have said this before, never mind in such a way!

I was reading a friend of mine's post (+Robert Huskinson ) on Facebook and made me realise something that I suppose I had sort of thought about before.  Essentially I am writing this blog to admit it to myself.  He wrote in a response to a comment I made to a status post of his - "Gigs do my head in though. Can't turn my critical brain off..." There was another little bit, but that right there made me realise something.

I started to write a response out to that, but decided to admit it instead in this blog so that I can face it and hopefully turn a corner.  The response I was going to give was basically that we can all be critical anyway, including of ourselves.  Now I think I am a pretty decent musician, but I also willingly admit that there are far better musicians than me that I am happy to call my friends.  I also freely admit that there are a lot more friends of mine who are far better singers than I am.

This is where it sort of gets weird though, and even I admit that it is weird.  The singing thing is different, and it actually scares me in a way.  I can get away with it, but it leaps out at me when I'm listening to songs that I am on.  I don't mind doing backing vocals, harmonising, or that sort of thing, but the whole "lead singer" business really does bother me.  Playing instruments doesn't worry me though, even when I am in a room with someone else who plays that instrument in fact, unless it is someone that I really do look up to on that particular instrument, but then it's not absolute fear like the singing thing is.  I really have to force myself through the whole fear thing to sing.

The set that I started working on a few years ago now that still hasn't seen the light of day completely is a case in point.  For that set it was a case of having the bare bones of songs in place or even ideas in place and recorded, but then the lyrical and melodic side were tinkered with until I was okay with where the song ideas where.  While I was working on all of this, I thought that for the majority of songs other people would take the lead vocals, and I could continue working on the backing (instrumentation, arrangement, even backing vocals).  I didn't mind putting a vocal guide down for the singer to eventually replace it, but I wasn't thinking of myself doing the majority of the lead vocals.

It seemed to start well I think, Good Morning World (of which there is a trimmed version available as a single on iTunes and Amazon worldwide) features my friend Jon James Hall on lead vocals (some nice double and triple tracking on there) and the back vocals during his sung parts - the middle eight vocal breakdown with piano is myself and Mark Allsop (mostly Mark).  Speaking of Mark, he sings all of the vocal parts on the album's closing song appropriately and intentionally entitled Good Night World.

Jon is also the lead singer on the song In The Shape Of Things, and provided a vocal for Breakfast Song, but the latter has caused a problem because instead of sending a copy of just his vocals, he sent a fully mixed version which meant that when it was decided that an arrangement change would be good, I couldn't do anything with Jon's vocals.  Hence I have had to go in and record lead vocals.  I have a tendency nowadays to do a lot of tracks of lead vocals, because it makes me feel a bit better about my voice for some reason.  It is something that John Lennon did a lot of in The Beatles, because for some reason or another he felt very insecure about his voice.  I don't know why personally, because his voice was incredible to my ears, but then as a Beatles fan I am possibly biased?

Well you get the gist don't you?  As time went on I realised that I would have to do the majority of the lead vocals myself, and over time I have done a lot of them.  I still have some to do, and because of my financial status, I have recorded a lot of vocals on substandard equipment, because I just don't have the ability at home.  For some unknown reason, my computer won't accept the hardware I have in the form of my Pod interface, so I am stuck using the laptop's own built in microphone or the audio on my digital cameras (yes, I have more than one of them).

I have been constantly forcing myself to do the singing, but even now I am worried about how the material will sound with these multi-tracked and noisy lead vocals by me.  It's a whole lot of worry I can tell you, especially when I see the very little interest paid in anything else that I have available music-wise. As it slowly approaches February, I am wondering if it is worth paying out to continue having that material still available in fact, because that is an expense in itself, let alone releasing anything else.

Like I said, a whole lot of worry, but now that I have realised this, I also now realise that I have to push on through that incredible fear and just finish it.  Some people are waiting to hear it, such as those who have taken part in it's making.  For them, I will push on and do something about it.  Besides, muggins here has more material that needs finishing for the next two projects that he has already virtually finished writing for (and started recording in a few cases too).

To those people who have helped me on the set I am talking about, I offer my eternal gratitude. They are (in no particular order) - Jon James Hall, Mark Allsop, Mark Freezer, +Tony Hearn, Mark Smith, John Sampson, Jonathan "Joff" Spittlehouse, Rob Humphries, Kerri Lake and Jay Shakespeare.  Not to mention those who have helped towards it's already started follow-up that include some of those mentioned plus Rob Huskinson and Stephen Cripwell.  People from past incarnations of Project Marv also include +Andy Dobb, Bill Rawson. Andy Wright, and Ellie Mason.

That post is much longer than I intended it to be, but do you know what?  I have come out of that feeling better now.  It is strange, but I have this urge to finish the project off and get it out there for all to hear.  I always wanted it to be the best I could get it, but I have to sort of stop being self-critical and just finish the damn thing.  The songs are almost all (bar the song written by +Tony Hearn) self-referential in a vague and sort of hidden way, so having my voice on them sort of means that I am putting myself out there for all to hear.  It's like Pete Townshend bringing out solo albums (not that I am saying I am that good) - he isn't Roger Daltrey, but he is giving himself in that performance, and in some ways that is something different in a world that is full of artists that have songs written for them by a conglomerate of producers and that sort of thing.

Thank you for reading, please take care.

December 31 2012 (41 years, 1 month, and 5 days old).

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