More general rambling

Here's something I wrote yesterday during breaks at work;

So I'm back to work then after my couple of weeks off (well, it ended up being 16 days off to be honest).  It's such an anticlimax coming back to work again, as it is with any job I've done.  As they say, same shit different day.

I'm very positive though that I will be doing a different job soon that won't piss me off so much.  Less hours, but the tax office can make it up if needs be.  Why I didn't just take a different job in the first place irritates me all of the time.  It's there at the back of my mind every hour of every single day - gnawing at me like a mouse gnawing away at a piece of cheese.  It's giving me so many headaches, and grief.  I WANT OUT!!!

I'm especially irritated because there are things that I need to do, but am just too run down from the hours, the travelling, and the stress that I probably shouldn't feel, but I do.  I've always had very extreme emotions, whether they be good or bad ones.  I've been incredibly violent with my anger before for instance, and that I keep in check now, because when I used to fly off the handle I had absolutely no recollection of the events immediately after, or in fact ever.

When I see the film The Butterfly Effect (an absolutely brilliant modern film), I think of the times when I've been in a temper because I remember nothing of them at all.  I remember what happened beforehand, and what came afterwards, but nothing in between that time.  That is something that has always been with me, and I hate not knowing what I am doing or what I have done, because it worries me and makes me wonder if I really know myself completely.

That's a scary thing to mention, I'm sorry.  I'm just being incredibly open with you.  That is sort of what the blog is about though - general rambling.

I know that I have the vocals to finish for a handful of songs on One Day, plus an harmonica for Dialogue Of Thought - nice title for an instrumental link?  There's also the aforementioned organs on Together (perhaps some synth as well maybe).

I just need to find the time, and hope that my crude home recorded vocals will work with the material.  I'll multi-track the vocals because I'm very shy of my singing, which may sound strange, but it's true.  I will say that it's something I'm getting used to though.

It's amazing really to even comprehend myself all of the projects I have on the go at the moment.  Firstly there's the reissue of A New World Order as a Special Edition, Colours is being put back on iTunes for sale as well, and then I'm hoping to get the Christmas set out for November, and finally the Bridges set that I'm working on.  I've decided to title the new song and accompanying set that, because I just love the title and everything that it could mean.  It is an all-encompassing title.

I do hope that nobody thinks that Bridges (the song) isn't about the relationship between me and Louise though, because as I've said before, people seem to assume that when you write you are always writing about yourself.  Saying that though, there is the fact that all relationships have their down points at times, so perhaps I've sort of used those moments from my life and just exaggerated them.  That's possible I suppose.  The plus side is that the song is about the need to make up and reconcile differences, so it is a positive song really.

I've started talking about music again damn it!  I didn't mean to, but it's just what's in me.  I'm not going to apologise for being me.

Quickly I'll just mention something.  While at work today (yesterday now), I was chatting with Mark O'Donoghue there, who asked about my excitement with music lately and I thought it was because I'd missed writing rock music, which of course is true.  After walking around, I've thought about it and realised that it's actually because I've been stuck working on the One Day set now for what is probably 4 years maybe?  I'm not sure, but the fact that I'm working on something new is always exciting for me.  I think I'd better get all those things finished before I lose that excitement.

Oh well, good blog that I think...

Now, that was what I wrote yesterday.  Seems okay to me, but contains a lot of waffling.  Anyway, take care everybody.

Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn't too boring.

Marv - 2nd March 2011 (40 years, 3 months, and 4 days old)